Hi! How are you? Not great, it seems. You lost all that money by not just releasing Glass Onion to theaters for longer than a week, you didn’t have a great 2022, and your CEO just loves punching down.

But that’s not why I’m here. I’m here about the cancellations.

For the past year or so, you have been cancelling shows like it was a lifelong passion, like you were representing your country at the Show Cancelling Olympics. Here’s a list. Not to mention shows you whacked earlier, expensive shows that you hyped from hell to breakfast like Cowboy Bebop and Jupiter’s Legacy.

Just today, it was revealed that you’ve cancelled 1899, from the creators of one of your more successful imports, Dark. The show just premiered on November 17.

There doesn’t seem to be any rhyme or reason to these cancellations, other than The Algorithm Told You To Do It. I’ve noticed an additional factor; almost all of these cancellations happened six to eight weeks after the show premiered.

It seems to me that you have a number in mind, and if the show doesn’t hit that number pretty fast, it gets put on an ice floe and pushed out to sea. In the past, you’ve been extremely vague about your viewing figures, though that appears to be changing. However, I have a simpler, more direct idea.

Just tell us what you want.

Enter… the Netflix-ometer.

When you premiere a new show, you simply place a Netflix-ometer on the show’s landing page. Give us a time period and a number of viewers. It’s that simple.

In this world of a thousand different viewing options, the Netflix-ometer would serve as a warning. If we like a show, we need to watch it all by such-and-such a date or it will perish in flames. This would prevent jerks like me from adding a show to my list and waiting months, if not years, to get around to watching it.

You’re welcome. Send my million dollars care of this account.

Dear Netflix,